Dad’s Day
OK, nothing about politics or religion from me today. I like to write about whatever strikes me, and this week it was an article on CNN.com about different parenting styles. (This also fits neatly with Father’s Day, so there you go.)
The article basically says that fathers and mothers parent differently. Big surprise. Anyone who has had a mother and father or observed a mother and father has noticed this. In general, the article suggests that fathers are more likely to let their children take risks, are less interested in details, and don’t necessarily see frustration as negative.
Now, the article didn’t seem to be based on research but rather on gender generalizations. I know families where the parents function in reversed roles (based on the criteria in the article). I think the important point to remember, however, is that parents can be different, and that’s a good thing.
That said, in my house, the roles are actually quite typical. We sometimes identify things by, “That’s your mom’s thing,” or “That’s Daddy’s thing.” We went to an amusement park this week, and I couldn’t watch my daughter go on the “flying swings.” I had to turn my back, all the while imagining that the swings would become unattached and crash. My husband just watched, narrating the ride for me. “She has a big smile on her face.” “Now she has her eyes closed like a dog hanging its head out the window of a moving car.” “The ride is over; you can turn around now.”
My daughter would never ride a roller coaster if it were up to me (I’m not getting on one), and she LOVES them. She’d also not learn to play the guitar without formal lessons. Her dad presented her with a guitar for Christmas, and, when she’s in the mood, he gives her a lesson.
On the other hand, left to my husband’s devices, she wouldn’t have dance or swim lessons, both of which she loves. She wouldn’t do messy “science” experiments, have walkie-talkies, or play in the mud. (Remind me to tell you the infamous “shoe-in-the-mud” story sometime.)
I think it’s beneficial for children to be exposed to different care-taking styles, no matter who the significant adults are in their lives. My husband and I share an overarching philosophy about raising children, but it allows for our own individuality. My daughter couldn’t wait for summer vacation to start; she has a list of things to do with her dad over the next few months. One is: stay up all night and watch movies. That’s definitely a dad thing here; my alarm goes off at 5 am and I’m useless by 10 pm. So they can camp on the living room floor while I sleep upstairs with the cats. A good deal for all…
Be brave. Be human.
Susan
June 17th, 2007 17:26
I think it’s true that parents have different styles and that there is great benefit to having the two influences.
My mom and I played “grocery store” which entailed using the ironing board as a makeshift cashier’s checkout line, and then removing every item from the cupboards to “buy.” Looking back on it, her patience astounds me! She was responsible for dance and violin lessons, as well, and she imagined, designed and made my Halloween costumes (with my input, of course). Mom also read to me and taught me how to ride a bike.
My dad made up these incredible bedtime stories with a serial cast of characters, and he loved going for long walks with me (telling stories all the while). He was also a musician (taught accordion lessons) and so our house was always filled with music of one kind or another. Going to the DQ (Dairy Queen) on Sunday after dinner was usually his idea, too!
It seems that activities with mom were always fairly structured or goal-oriented, while playing with dad was usually free-form and involved lots of imaginative pursuits. I am grateful for the gifts they both gave me as a child.
June 24th, 2007 07:12
My Dad would say have a go, in the case of study do your best but don’t worry about it and don’t over do it. One day he said, you’ve done enough study and we all went off for a walk by the river. He was very practical and inspired confidence. He used his car for business so it was vital to him, yet he would allow me to work on maintaining it with him. He would to tell me not to spend to much time watching television, I was a bit obssesed with it, to the point of having multiple scrap books with program clippings. I have sinced dumped television and radio and newspapers realising why he told me what he did. His perosnality was extreemly positive.
My mum in contrast was the worrier and organiser. She had plenty of patience and would read stories over and over again. Her personality is more negative so it was complemented by dad’s. Together they were in balance, which was good when you’re growing up.
Elena’s musical family sounds wonderful, it is much better if families make their own entertainment, with mum and dad as the double act.
June 29th, 2007 16:14
“My dad made up these incredible bedtime stories with a serial cast of characters”
That sounds like my father exactly. In fact I sometimes have memories about the stories like they were actually happening. There was always the one about the bed flying out the window - I can picture it actually happening in my head!
My mom was also the worried sort and planner. She was also probably the more negative of the two. Definitely two different styles that complimented each other in the end.
July 1st, 2007 20:18
Thanks to all for playing. It’s interesting to see the similarities and differences among families.
I guess I’m the worrier and planner, too. True. I couldn’t watch my chld on the swings, but guess who planned the trip to the park….
Susan